your thong is hanging out like whoa
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
