I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
