I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
