are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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