your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
