all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
