I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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