I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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