We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
