Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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