you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
