you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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