apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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