I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
