I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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