i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
