Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
