i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
