Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
