I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
