I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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