tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
