dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Dicks are not precious.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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