Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
