and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
