im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
