wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
