How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
