I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
