I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We left the knife in your bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
