This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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