like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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