dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
