So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
