I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
