i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
