we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
