i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I could fuck to npr.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
