My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
