girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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