there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
