ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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