Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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