Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We have so much sex to catch up on
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
