just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
