I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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