I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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