i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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