does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
