I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
