Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
