there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
