i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
