Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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