she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
