Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this just has baby written all over it
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
