Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
